


It Could Have Been Great // JeanMarco Oneshot

by Saturns_Galaxy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: ? - Freeform, Also Jean is trans, And Connie is nonbinary, Angst, Be quiet pls, Character Death, Floch is literally there because he was the driver, Fluff does not exist here, Gay, I am projecting onto Jean too much, Jean Connie and Sasha are Bisexual idiots, Jean is accidentally a clean freak and an asshole, M/M, Marco is a gay idiot, Pain, Sad, Sasha and Connie share a singular braincell, Suicide, Violence, idk - Freeform, jeanmarco, lol, whatever lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:13:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28465875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saturns_Galaxy/pseuds/Saturns_Galaxy
Summary: Read the tags pls. Also random oneshot idea I had that's why it's short I didn't think it through much
Relationships: Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	It Could Have Been Great // JeanMarco Oneshot

Jean was on his way to class , just like any other day.

Except it isn't like any other day.

He was sick , but forced himself to go anyway. He had a fever. He could probably sleep the whole day and still be exhausted when he woke up , but his mom was worried about his education. So he went anyway.

He hated it. He hated being there. Their head felt like it was going to explode. He was clamy and uncomfortable. They were tired. He could barely eat anything , the only thing he could stomach was lukewarm water and tea. They could barely focus in class , there wasn't really a point for him to be there other than attendance. He might as well have not been in the first place.

He just really wanted to get home and take a fucking shower.

The only one to even notice he was out of it were his friends. Sasha and Connie teasing him every time he zoned out , and Marco genuinely concerned for them. Of course , Connie and Sasha were concerned too , but he always zoned out facing in Marco's direction , leading to him unintentionally staring at Marco. He just brushed it off. Nothing weird about zoning out right ? They just weren't paying attention , right ?

Later , after Jean arrived home , Marco called him.

" Jean , you still good ? I can come over and .. I don't know take care of you I guess ? We could just spend time together if you wanted. " He could hear Marco's shrug through the phone screen.

" Yeah sure Marco , but don't you .. NOT have a license ? "

" Oh whatever , I'll just call someone or something. "

" Alright dumbass - see ya in an hour. "

" Ha - See ya "

He hung up.

And they wait.

30 minutes passes , normal.

An hour passes. Slightly concerning. Maybe traffic was bad ?

An hour and a half passes. Traffic is just really bad right ?

2 hours. He's just running late ... right ?

His phone rings.

*****************

" What the FUCK. " Jean chokes at the end. He's panicking. Crying. They wanted to scream until their lungs hurt. But of course , he couldn't. They just fell silent.

Connie and Sasha were with him. They were crying as well. Both had their arms wrapped around him while they sat on his bed. He just looked down at the floor. Silent. His expression changing from anger to cold and numb. He was pale. And not just from being sick , no. He completely shut down , mentally and physically. His best friend. Dead. Gone. Just like that. All because he wanted to see him. All because he wanted to help his best friend when he was sick. All because Jean was selfish and said yes.

It's his fault.

It's all their fault.

Of course it is.

He's the selfish asshole of the group , right ?

Of course it's his fucking fault.

It always is.

*****************

The next day , he didn't go to school.

He was excused , for once.

Instead he stayed home.

And to distract his mind , he cleaned the house.

He was still sick of course , but it's not like he wanted to just lie in bed all day. He'd feel worse then.

Except it wasn't until his mom pointed it out that he was being a little .. rough about it.

When cleaning dirt off the wall , he basically started chipping the drywall off trying to get the stain out without realizing it.

He simply apologized quickly and went back to cleaning.

When he was done the house looked spotless , which his mother was thankful for of course , but she couldn't help from asking.

" Son .. are you sure you're ok ? "

He froze. Their brain was already swirling with thoughts , they didn't want to think any harder on it. He had been so focused on cleaning that day that he never actually sat down and explained what happened to his mom. He didn't even think about that. His mom has no idea what's going on.

He started crying.

Just this once , he wouldn't push his mom away.

He just hugged her and sobbed into her shoulder. He cried for a solid 30 minutes , and she just hugged him in return. Letting him cry. He only whispered to her occasionally between sobs.

" Why. Why him. Why why why ... " He pounded his fist on her shoulder , surprising her a bit.

" Who ? " Was all she said.

They took a second to breathe before answering , " Marco .. "

" What happened ? "

" ... Car crash. "

" Oh ... " She pulled him into a tighter hug , making soothing motions on his back. " I'm so sorry sweetie .. do you want to visit him ? "

He went still , " Mom. "

" Hm ? "

He was silent. Maybe he didn't want to admit it to himself. They didn't want to say it.

It slowly clicked in her brain when she realized he wasn't going to answer.

" Oh. "

" Yeah. Oh. "

*****************

The next day , he went to school.

He was feeling better physically , so they decided it'd be best to not worry his mother too much and go.

He could barely pay attention still. It was different this time though. He would just zone out until class was over , not realizing he hadn't been paying attention until he jolted up from shock at the ringing sound of the school bell.

Around lunch , it was silent. Connie and Sasha both not sure how to start a conversation and Jean too mentally dead to even try. Eventually , Connie broke the silence.

" So uh - Jean how was your day off yesterday ? I mean I know you were still sick but - you know - "

" What ? Oh - uh it was. Interesting. Cleaned the house , which was nice I guess. " He shrugged.

" So - Jean - how are you holding up ? You usually only clean like that when you're stressed .. so ... " Sasha trailed off.

" I'm .. fine. Yeah. I'm fine. "

" You sure Jean .. ? "

" Ha. Yeah. Totally. " As sarcastic as they wanted to sound , it just came out cold and harsh.

" Jean ... ? " Connie and Sasha spoke , almost in sync with each other.

" I'm fine. " Jean tried to brush off their concern.

" Jean - "

" Shut up. I said I'm fine , just drop it. " Jean interrupted Sasha almost immediately.

" Okok .. you can talk to us though Jean. "

" Yeah well maybe I don't want to talk about how my best friend is fucking dead. Thanks for the offer though. " He spoke harsh and cold once again , leaving Sasha and Connie to stare at the table in front of them.

" Y'know Jean you don't have to be such a dick every time something bad happens. " Connie finally spoke , breaking the awkward silence.

" Connie don't - "

" What's that supposed to fucking mean ? " Jean snapped back at them.

" You're always like this. Every time something bad happens you start getting defensive about it for no fucking reason ! You don't have to be a dick about it you know. Me and Sasha don't feel any better than you do about this. Maybe be nice about it for once , asshole. "

" Connie - "

" Shut the fuck up , I do not get defensive. I'm sorry I'm not as open as you guys are all the fucking time. "

" Then what the fuck are you doing right now Jean ? And don't defend him Sasha. He has to learn once and a while. "

" I'm not defending him I'm just - "

" Just what ? You agree with me don't you ? "

" I - "

" I'm not getting defensive I'm telling you to shut your mouth wise guy. "

" You - "

" BOTH OF YOU STOP FIGHTING. "

Connie and Jean immediately stopped and stared at her. Sasha doesn't get genuinely upset often , so hearing her yell is a very quick way to shut them up.

" I'm not gonna side with EITHER OF YOU. Connie , stop antagonizing him when he's obviously upset. Jean , stop being a dick just because you're upset. "

" I wasn't - " Jean and Connie both spoke at the same time , but Sasha simply covered both of their mouths.

" Shut up before we cause more of a scene. Or do you want to get in trouble right now ? "

The both looked around the lunch room to realize almost everyone was staring at them. It quickly made them uncomfortable and they stopped talking.

And just like that , the bell rang.

*****************

Jean got a text from their group chat on the way home.

Sash : connie. jean. meet at connies house in an hour

Con : why my house ???

Sash : mine is a mess and jeans probably still smells like bleach - no offense jean

Jean : It does not

Sash : last time it smelled like bleach for a week , yes it does

Jean : Shut up

Sash : anyway - i know connies mom doesn't mind and you two arent busy , so meet there. got it ?

Con : yeahyeah i get it

Jean : Whatever.

Sash : cool , see ya in an hour :p

Con : see ya Sash :D !!

Jean : See ya

Despite knowing Sasha is going to force them to talk it out later , Jean smiles. He's just glad his friends care.

*****************

" So , Connie. Jean. Start talking , no fighting. " Sasha sat down next to them , glaring at both of them to make sure they understood.

They both sighed.

" Jean - I'm sorry for antagonizing you like that .. we were just both on edge. But you're still a dick sometimes. "

Jean made a soft , sad smile after the last comment , " I know I am ... sorry for being such a prick when I'm upset. I swear I don't do that in purpose - I just - "

Connie snickers to theirself and lightly smacks his arm " I know you don't jackass. "

" Who are YOU calling a jackass Mr. " Don't defend him " "

" Shut up ! "

They both lightly shoved each other , laughing. Sasha smiled to herself softly before laughing with them.

" So are you two good now ? "

Connie and Jean both looked at each other.

" I don't know , are we ? " Jean spoke sarcastically with a hint of serious in his tone to suggest he wanted an actual answer.

Connie laughed slightly , " Yeah , I think we are. "

*****************

As much as Jean wanted to be over it , he wasn't.

They blamed theirself.

If he hadn't agreed to Marco coming over , Marco wouldn't have gotten into that fucking car in the first place.

If he hadn't agreed , Marco would have been asleep at home right now. Safe in his room.

If he hadn't had been sick in the first place Marco wouldn't have even tried to come over at all.

If Marco hadn't cared about Jean so much he would have still been alive.

Right ?

Marco died because Jean was selfish.

They doesn't deserve to be alive.

They're just a selfish prick.

He's just an asshole who should die alone for getting their friend killed.

Right ?

It was silent that night.

His mom was out of town still.

Sasha and Connie were still asleep.

No one would know.

He grabbed a rope.

*****************

Connie and Sasha were on their way to class , just like any other day.

Except this wasn't like any other day anymore.

They usually meet up with Jean just before class starts.

" Hey Connie ? "

" Yeah Sash ? "

" Where's Jean ? "


End file.
